Tuesday, 4 March 2014

You Lose Tuesday, Fighter Within!


HIGH STRAIGHT COMBO HIGH STRAIGHT COMBO HIGH STRAIGHT COMBO

OK, it's no secret that quite a lot of people don't like Kinect games. I disagree, becuase as well as some truly terrible games, some gems like Kinect Sports and Dance Central 3 have come out. Fighter Within, however, is not a gem. Instead, it's a ball of dust encrusted with bug poop. Bleh.

The gameplay is confusing and virtually requires no skill, but the menus are somehow even more confusing, with your hand always moving to random places, and it has the worst selecting system ever. Instead of the usual hold in place motion, it uses a hadouken-style push and pull motion that will almost never go right. Because excitement. And the ACTUAL gameplay? Well, it's pretty much consists of flailing your arms about and then watching a cutscene that's actually the best part of the game. Sure, it tracks punches and kicks alright, but it gets a helluva lot worse the deeper you dig in.

All the complex moves practically require the same motion, so you can't really have any tactics while fighting other than shake about a bit and see if you do anything special. It's a pretty broken system, and trust me, you'll be hearing HIGH STRAIGHT COMBO so much, you'll want to take the badly-paid commentator and HIGH STRAIGHT COMBO him into oblivion.


And you know what's even worse? The developers of Fighter Within managed to find a writer and director worse than M Night Shmalayaebnnwnen (Or whatever his real name is), because the story isn't a story, it's just a weird pile of events that's been pureed, burnt and stabbed multiple times, then had the word Story Mode branded on it's non existent butt. The actors are basically the Ride To Hell actors, but when they were younger and more cocky. Seriously, though, there is no Story Mode. It's just "Prepare For Cheesiness Everytime There's A Cutscene Mode".

However, if the actors were supposed to be like the AI, they've done an excellent job, because the AI are some of the worst I've ever seen in a game. They just run at you like a headless lemming and proceed to stand still as you painfully (For you, and the AI) kick their butt for about 20 minutes, then die, rinse and repeat. You know, I had hope for Kinect 2. But for some reason, instead of listening to the failure of Fighters Uncaged for the original Kinect, some guys just thought "Let's revive this dormant-for-a-reason genre!" and somehow made it worse.

So for all that, Fighter Within, we don't salut you, but instead we HIGH STRAIGHT COMBO you out of our game libraries.

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