Tuesday, 25 February 2014

You Lose Tuesday, Ride To Hell: Retribution!

Ride To Hell was supposed to be a game that would revolutionize the gaming world, with a setting that's never been done before, and the fact that it focused on after a war, not during it. Still, it was abysmal, and I'm going to tell you, through stale wit and stupid sarcasm, why this game is regarded as one of the worst of all time.

Let's start off with Jake Conway, the protagonist who we're supposed to gel with, and feel good controlling him. First of all, he looks a caveman who's pumped botox into his hands. His voice acting, like every character's in the game, is terrible, and the actor somehow seems embarrassed to play him. Watching tons of gameplay on YouTube, there are many scenes involving him that are supposed to be emotional, but really they're just damn funny. All the actors aren't really taking the game seriously, and there is a laughably bad script written that gets worse and worse by the minute. Oh yeah, and the WooHoo (SIMS REFERENCE!) scenes. EUGH.

But hey, the gameplay is just as bad. The gameplay is basically bugs, glitches and crashing all smooshed together into a "game" that has emotionless aliens as characters. Road dissapears, enemies can take years or seconds to kill, and Jake can take a hail of bullets or one punch, depending on what the game wants. It's basically a roulette wheel, but dealer chucks cards on the wheel and then shoots it repeatedly. Basically, craziness.

There are 4 different sections in the whole game; CQC, cover shooting, motorcycle driving and open-world adventuring. And they all fail.

  • The CQC section is basically non existent. You use the same moves, there are no combos, and you slide between enemies. Plus, you can whip out your gun, so it just completely loses the point of CQC.
  • The cover shooting isn't cover shooting because you can't shoot from cover. You can't die, and some enemies can take as much as 15 headshots before they die, while others die as soon as they spawn.
  • In the Motorcycle driving, you don't drive forward, just side to side. If you crash into anything, you either explode or reset, and the powersliding system is broken, because you can powerslide forever. Also, enemies randomly fly in, and after a terrible QTE and cutscene, the bike just drives off and explodes.
Last of all, the "Open World". Literally, you have a tiny town with invisible walls, and you can buy guns and chat to people. Please die.

And that's all for You Lose Tuesday! Seriously, though, never buy this game. Ever.


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